bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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