I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
