and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
