I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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