im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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