oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
