i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
