don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
