God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
