So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
