That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
