My sheets look like a crime scene.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
