Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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