So drunk its hurt
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
