Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
