I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
