meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
