I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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