ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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