My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
