You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
