There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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