shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
