kristin has been a bad kristin
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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