my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
