Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
