So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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