yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
