We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
