In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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