You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
