Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
