HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just sent this text using only my big toe
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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