I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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