She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
