if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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