You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
