I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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