Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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