my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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