I love black thongs
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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