i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
