Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
