I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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