I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
