now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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