He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
