pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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