New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
