Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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