I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
