My vagina just recognized that song.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
