i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
