she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
