I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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