I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
