i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
