break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
