Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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