Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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