And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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