Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
