summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I came so hard my ears popped.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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