so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
