No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
